Lola

Well, I think I basically ended my friendship with Lola this morning. Amazing, since we have been friends for over 13 years now. We had not talked for the last two months, after having fought in May. Back then I had told her how I had put space in our relationship because I was tired of being taken for granted and for our friendship being so one sided. She wanted to know why I did not call her anymore, and I told her that she did not listen to anything I had to say, so I did not have any reason to call. And that whenever she called I was happy to listen to what was going on with her, but I did not feel the need to say anything about my life anymore because I was not being heard or supported. Needless to say, that did not go over well, and I got my ass chewed for it in three different phone calls. After that I told her I needed some space, to think about things and try to let things go. So we have not talked for the last two months. When I did get in contact on Monday, I was pretty casual, just calling to see how she was doing. Well, this did not go over well either. She emailed me saying that she was just "getting over me" when I called. And she did not want to go through the process of working things out unless I could "commit to our friendship long-term". Like Carebear so nicely put it, does she want a promise ring? I guess her and I broke up two months ago, and now I am trying to get back together with her. Anyway, I wrote her back this morning basically telling her that she is asking for more than I can give right now, that I was just looking to get back in touch and see how she was doing, but I could not give any more than that. I predict this will not go over very well.... And I think I just signed the death certificate to our friendship.

These last two months have been pretty nice not having to worry about her friendship and the guilt that often came with it, so I know that it is the right time to move on. But I can't help but be sad. She was my closest friend through many things, and the maid of honor at my wedding. I am sad that our friendship could end so bitterly because I finally told her how I was feeling about a few things. I even fought respectfully, never calling her any names, and putting issues unduly on her. I just talked about how I was feeling and why. I even let it go when she yelled at me so loud that she woke up her kids one night, or that she called me some very mean names, and often hit below the belt. It saddens me that I could be there for her in ways she could not for me, and I could forgive her for things in a way she could not for me.

Today I am saying goodbye to what was a big part of my life for a long time. I am thankful I am able to see past this one experience, and just remember some of the very good times we had together.

Lola, I wish you only the very best.