Quick update

For those of you wondering, my mom goes into surgery on January 14th. She is doing so much better mentally than I ever expected, and I am so proud of her. She is even going on vacation this week with my dad, and I pray she can sit back and enjoy it a little. She is still in a lot of pain most of the time, so the cancer never seems to let her forget, but I am hoping some time away from the routine of life lets her have some fun!

Santa is fun!

So, amidst all the health fun in my family, I have been trying to enjoy Christmas time with Munchi as much as possible. He is at the age where he does not understand everything, but a lot of things are really exciting. One of those things being Santa. He loves him! We talk about him all the time, and love looking at pictures of him. We read books about him and about baby Jesus. He has a baby doll whose name goes between Santa and Baby Jesus on a regular basis. Though the love is true, he has never wanted to go see Santa up close by himself. After Thanksgiving we saw him once and he would only go near him if Daddy came to (see post below about boredom = family time). Anyway, I have taken him to the mall with me several times this holiday season, and all he is willing to do is admire his Santa from afar, then talk about him the whole way home.

So last week during the torrential rain, Munchi was going stir crazy, so I packed him up early one morning and took him to the mall just as it was opening. We finished our shopping, and as we were leaving I noticed Santa had arrived. As usual, I took him to admire him from afar. But the mall was deserted, and Santa was bored. So he started talking to Munchi, offering him a candy cane, a stuffed penguin, anything to get him to come over to say hi. Eventually, the were engaged in a game of catch with the penguin, but we could still not convince him to sit in his lap, or even come close enough to hand him back the penguin. So, we left to get a pretzel at a near by stand. We were sitting at the table having our snack, when who came and sat at the table next to us? SANTA! Munchi almost jumped out of his skin with excitement. Within the next ten minutes, Munchi was sitting in Santa's lap at the table, sharing his pretzel with him! And no, I have no pictures to prove it, because he was a professional Santa and they did not allow any personal pictures to be taken :( Anyway, Santa had to go, because other kids had showed up for pictures. When the line subsided again, I took Munchi back over to visit. And this time he JUMPED into Santa's lap! Santa read him the Night Before Christmas and they played with the penguin some more, which Munchi got to bring home with him.
Here is the only picture taken of the whole event, showing Munchi having the time of his life. I really will never forget it!

My health

After finding out my mom had cancer (see blog below), my health issues slipped from my mind, but some have been asking for an update, so here you go. After getting all my tests results back, we have confirmed that I have acid reflux and irritable bowel syndrome, most likely brought on by my eating habits, stress and my weight. All my test results came back clean (no diabetes, no high cholesterol, no cancer), so my doctor and I agreed that I just need to loose weight (no big revelation there, but having your doctor lecture you on it makes it a little more real.) So, here is the plan. Stay on meds for a very long time for my stomach, until I can get all my weight off, exercise 6 days a week, eventually leading up to sweating heavily for an hour each of those days, and following the South Beach Diet. Oh, and cutting out all caffeine. So, I have already cut down on my caffeine to one cup a day. I plan to phase it out completely at the first of the year. I am also walking 6 times a week for about 45 minutes. While I am not sweating yet, I am working on the habit of doing something all the time. Unfortunately, my only exercise plan has been walking, so rain has been putting a big damper on that plan, so I need to find something else I can do in the house on the days it rains, that is low impact to start. At the first of the year, I am going to gradually add in high impact cardio and two days of weight lifting. I think it will take me until about the end of April before I am officially doing one hour a day of full blown sweating, 6 days a week. As of January 2nd, I will be starting the South Beach Diet. I feel fully committed, and for some reason think my will power is back. I am currently reading the South Beach Diet book and plan to purge the entire kitchen the week after Christmas, and stock up on all the needed food for success. I am also going to be buying a food journal, walking shoes and a weight training video. So, wish me luck in the year to come. My doctor is helping me stay realistic, and is hoping for 40 pounds off over the next year. Obviously, I hope for more, but I am going to be satisfied with whatever comes. My focus now is on overall health, and not just my weight. I want to have energy again. And I want to be able to really PLAY with Munchi this summer, you know?
For those of you interested in my inspiration (besides my doctor), I am reading the South Beach Diet, and Younger Next Year. While Younger Next Year is geared towards those over 50, it talks about the benefits of regular exercise on your health overall, and how to feel young, fit and energized your entire life. It is quite inspiring.
Here is to a healthy New Year!

Cancer Scare

We found out on Thursday that my mom has uterus cancer. All we know as of now is that they believe it is stage 1, and that she will need a hysterectomy. She is meeting with the surgeon tomorrow to discuss the procedure, to determine what she thinks the outcome might be, and to decide on a surgery date. For my mom's mental health, we are hoping for the surgery to be very soon.

Seriously, this has taken me by surprise. Not necessarily the cancer, but how scared I am. I have had many issues with my mom over the years, and always assumed once I had kids we would only grow further apart, as I did not want my kids around the toxins I grew up with. But she is an amazing grandmother, and has been working hard to learn how to respect me as a parent, and understand my boundaries. Munchi thinks the world of her, and so the last two years have really brought us together. And I have come to realize with all her emotional baggage, she is still the glue that holds our family together. She makes the holiday feasts, happily hosts MANY playdates throughout the year where the cousins can come together, and the parents can get a little bit of a break and not have to cook for one night! She is generous to a fault with her time and with her money. She is the only reason my dad knows anything going on with us or the grandkids. I really do not know how I would function as a parent without her now. She gives me help and support I never expected and I would miss her so much if she was not here. I know that the outlook is extremely optimistic, and that after the surgery this whole thing should be behind us. But it has made me only appreciate my mom even more, and to realize how much I need to tell her that more often. And it has finally allowed to to forgive everything in the past and to love her just as she is. Because the alternative of just not having her is just too devastating.
For those of you out there who pray, please keep her and our family in your prayers.
I LOVE YOU MOM!

Health Issues

So, I finally went to the doctor yesterday for a physical, due to CHRONIC health issues I have been having over the last two years, many that have gotten worse in the last month. No surprise to find out my heart palpitations and disgusting stomach issues are caused by stress and caffeine intake. Because I can do nothing to ward off the stress (no job in sight for husband, no relief in site for marriage), I have cut my caffeine down to once a day already. Today was okay, but we will see what I am like by the end of the week. WARNING ALL FAMILY MEMBERS READING: Saturday will be 5 days on no or low caffeine intake. Do not take my attitude problem too personally. I had an EKG, breath test, and hand x-ray yesterday and will be doing the 2 hour fasting diabetes test and other blood work next Tuesday, then returning to the doctor in about two weeks for results.

The reason for this health update (besides the need for a lot of prayer): about two months ago, my friend Carebear and I were laughing about this random blog we read where the lady (who happens to be much older than us) was describing a time when she was in Target and felt a sudden BM of the worrisome type come on. The feeling was so strong that she was afraid to move, as something might release itself, so she was screaming for her husband to come help her to the restroom. Carebear and I thought this story was hilarious and hoped we never had to grow old. Flash forward to today..... I am at Henry's shopping with Munchi. We are about half way done when the sharp pains in my stomach start, a familiar feeling lately that never leads to anywhere good. All I can think is I have to finish shopping, and that Henry's is about 15 minutes away from my house. Can I survive another 30 minutes without literally sh***ing myself? I decide to go for it. Now, I get through Henry's okay, without it being too noticable I am in digestive distress, I think. But the ride hope starts getting really iffy. I keep telling myself I have leather seats, so if anything does happen, it is an easy clean up. And wouldn't you know that we started home right when school got out? And there are 5 (count them 5) schools on our way home. Which means stopping for cross walks and going 25 mph the ENTIRE way home. It took my a half an hour to get to the house. I don't think I have ever gotten Munchi out of his car seat so fast in my life. I literally threw him in the living room amongst his cars and hit the bathroom. While NONE of this was funny at the time, it makes me laugh thinking of the conversation with Carebear, and realizing old age has already hit me, at 33.....

Boredom = Family Time

We were very bored today. A luxury really during the holidays. We knew we had to get Munchi out because he had been hanging at the house too long this week, but we had no grand ideas what to do. Finally, I called a friend, who was not free to hang out but suggested something festive - going to a local outdoor mall and admiring the Christmas tree. So, off we went. And we had a BLAST! Munchi loved the fountains, and the Christmas tree. Most of all, he loved meeting Santa for the first time. He was not willing to sit on his lap, but thought it was wonderful to sit on Daddy's lap next to him. And Santa gave him a present after, which is a now CHERISHED coloring book. God bless the holiday season. I have always disliked Christmas, but having a child reminds you the reason for the season! What a blessed day :)

Munchi putting on a "good" smile for Santa


The beloved coloring bookThe Fam in front of the Christmas tree

Me and Munchi enjoying the fountains


Dirk and Munchi admiring the fish pond

Munchi relaxing in front of the fountains

Thanks to my sister-in-law, Ami, and this awesome website - http://www.simplyfabulousbloggertemplates.com/, I have change the template for my website. I have had to add some things back in and have some other things I am going to do with it, but just the template change makes me happy :)

Pictures finally

So our camera situation sucks, which means it takes me forever to download pictures onto my computer. We took Riley to my Mom's house this weekend, where she is loving every minute. She has a big brother there, names Sasha, who seems to actually find her fun. Before she left though, we took pictures of her at our house, playing with our dogs. I will never forget watching a one pound kitten chase our 60 pound dog through the living room!

Possible new addition

So, last night my mom was babysitting Munchi. We got home around 8:30, chatted for a while, and went to walk my mom out about 9:30. As we are standing on the porch saying our goodbyes, I hear little voice. We start searching around. Dirk comes outside to look with us, and as he closes the door, what does he see behind it? A little, itty, bitty, tiny kitten. Of course, we brought it right in the house, set up a bed and litter box for it and made it comfortable. It was shaking it was so cold and it was soooooo skinny. We fed it a little food, and I slept with it on the couch for the night. In the morning, I started to feed it and give it some water, and realized something. It was not fully weened, so it could not drink water from a bowl. So Munchi and I trampled on down to Petco, bought a bottle and some formula, and she has been chowing ever since. We have made no commitment to keep her, but my parents plan to take her if we don't, so she now has a safe home. For now, her name is Riley.

Pictures to follow this week.

I have been tagged

The rules:
1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog. (My tagger was carebear - http://adayinthelifeofavillageidiot.blogspot.com/)
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.

The facts about me are these:
1. I have always dreamed of writing a book, and have several versions started in journals, on the computer, and in my head.
2. I lived in Puerto Rico for four years as a child, which I loved. I can still understand most spoken Spanish, but wouldn't dare to speak it (my accent is horrible)!
3. I have hated raw tomatos forever, ever since my Gramps held me down and forced one into my mouth. (he thought everyone should enjoy the tomatoes he had grown).
4. I still have a grandparent alive. He is turning 96 this November, has a girlfriend, drives, stays out past midnight, and will forever be my hero.
5. I am scared to death of spiders. Before I had my son, I had panic attacks everytime I was near one, and would freeze in place, completely unable to move. The miracle of parenthood has cured it for the most part, as I would rather die of a spider bite, than let one near my son.
6. I lived in Florida for six months after college in retirement town called Niceville. There was nothing nice about it, or the jerk I lived with, and I soon returned home.
7. I will forever be in love with Johnny Depp.

I now tag the only two other bloggers I know :
http://rodowskyfamilyfun.blogspot.com/
http://poulinsponders.blogspot.com/

Here is one of the cutest pictures of Munchi EVER!

Weight Loss

You may or may not notice that my weight loss ticker now shows me needing to loose more weight than before, and that I am down 5 pounds. Last week I started Weight Watchers again. The depressing part was having gained more weight before I started. But the good news I lost 5.2 pounds my first week. This week was not easy and I still thought about giving up, but I am telling myself that I have to go to every meeting for the next two months to hold myself accountable. I am hoping by doing this I can make it a habit again, and actually start loosing some real weight, AND KEEP IT OFF THIS TIME!

I would like to feel good in my skin again by next summer. That is not loosing all my weight, but being back to a more comfortable and active size, and feeling successful in my journey!

If I can do this, and Dirk can find a job, there might just be a chance we would have another baby..... Don't hold your breath though.

TRASH TRUCK!

So, my mom bought Munchi these two videos on clearance from Target she thought he might enjoy. One was all about construction vehicles, and the other all about vehicles used in the city (i.e. trash trucks, fire engines, street sweepers, etc.) We do not usually put on videos for Munchi (not because we don't watch TV but because we are lazy. No model parenting going on here). But my mom was pretty excited about them, so we let him watch them at her house when she bought them..... Seriously, the excitement never ends. My kid is ADDICTED to the trash truck video. He asks for it all day ("TV watch trash truck." "See trash truck now") We have been letting him watch it once a day (occasionally twice), which just fuels the fire. I heard him talking about trash truck in his sleep last night. This is how bad it has gotten. And the worst part is the video shows trash and more trash and then even more trash. It follows the trash truck to the transfer station, where they dump it and squish it and the compress it to move it into a big rig. Then they show the big rig take it to the dump. And we get the pleasure of watching the big rig dump its load (which literally looks like it is shitting trash). It even shows the sea gulls eating the trash. Every time we watch it, I am inclined to cover my nose, because I keep expecting the hideous smell.. And my favorite parts are them talking about the things they do to cut down the smell. I HIGHLY doubt these things make a big enough difference that I would not throw up in my mouth if I was there. But Munchi loves it, and I love him, so I endure.

When I no longer can handle trash truck, we watch the video about the construction site. Before trash truck came along, in fact, construction vehicles were all the rage in our home. He has four Tonka Truck books he carries EVERYWHERE with him. They are not small books either. And he insists on carrying all four at one time. He tantrums if he cannot have them with him at dinner time, or bed time. Another serious addiction. So, to fuel this fire, my mom decides we should take him down to see all the construction vehicles currently working at her church, building their new school. So yesterday, that is where we took him. I cannot begin to tell you the size of the smile on my child's face. He even got to sit in a front loader and pretend to drive it. BEST DAY EVER! (and not just for him! I think I was more excited than he was, seeing his little face light up.) Here are some pictures:

Notice the VERY big smile... This is when we first arrived.


He just kept saying, "wow!"
Future career??

Illness

So, winter has come early in our household. Munchi has strep throat! Poor little guy woke up this morning with a fever of 102, which spiked up to 103.5 this afternoon. I took him to the walk in, patted myself in the back for telling Dirk I thought he had strep and finding out I was right, and got him started on an antibiotic. He is already doing better tonight, even though he still has a fever. He is at least laughing again. This afternoon he laid on our laps and slept for about two hours all together, and would barely hold up his head. It was sad. Hurray for modern medicine, and ESPECIALLY Tylenol.

On another note, I have not been blogging about my weight loss, becuase it has actually been weight gain..... I am thinking of going back to WW this week. I just wish I had someone to go with. I am so much better at it when I go team up with someone. But I just can't make excuses anymore. I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!

Munchi and Dirk

I am sitting in the office right now, trying to update Munchi and my wishlists on Amazon (my Mom has been hounding me about Christmas already). Munchi and Dirk are eating lunch. And all I can hear is Munchi screaming, "Peeeeeeeeeeeeek! Booooo!" and then cracking himself up. It is seriously adorable. I can hear Dirk laughing too, and then screams of "tickle!" and fits of laughter after. I do not know how much eating is being done, but who cares! Munchi loves his Dad, and I love hearing them love being with each other.

Seriously, I tried to write all the words that Munchi knows down the other day. I got to 75 when I had to stop because I could have just kept going. And he adds 2 or 3 more every day. Today it is "garage" and his longest sentence so far "trash truck outside Elliott go see". I am in awe of my child!

When does it end?

So I am watching Peanut again today. All has gone well, so far. However, when I watched him on Tuesday, Munchi decided a nap was not needed, and kept yelling for Peanut to come play with him in his crib. I finally had to take Munchi into the living room, so Peanut could get some restful sleep. Which meant Munchi did not fall asleep until 1:30, on my lap watching the Backyardagans, two hours after I had originally laid him down. Well, we are doing it all over again today. He is talking, talking, talking in his crib, calling for Peanut, banging his feet on the wall. Anything to not have to go to sleep. Of course, when Dirk watched him yesterday, he went right to sleep..... But Peanut was not here. I am going to try and ignore it today and hope he goes to sleep soon. Peanut seems to sleep through must of it, so I am going to try and not stress about it. My biggest fear is Munchi being so loud he wakes up Peanut early, so Munchi nevers goes to sleep and I have two cranky toddlers on my hands the rest of the afternoon. Fingers crossed this does not happen.

On a happier note, I lost another 2.5 pounds this week! Was not as disiplined as I should have been, but made some portion control changes I can be proud of, which obviously worked. And I walked three times. This week my goal is to eat all 5 portions of fruits and vegatables every day before I allow myself any other kind of snack. I am hoping this will cut back on my cracker consumption. I also plan to keep up the three days of walking. Wish me luck!

Bees and Kitchens should not mix

Today was an interesting day. I was watching Peanut today, as well as Munchi. We had a snack around 10:45, and I put them in the living room to play while I cleaned up after them (the mess they make when they eat is surprising). While I am at the sink I hear this loud buzzing by the oven. I turn around and there is a bee! My heart stopped a little, but I got out our electric fly swatter and electrocuted the heck out of it. Only to find two more in its place. While killing those, another one showed up and I realized I had a real issue on my hands. I could not tell where they were coming from but I began to imagine the hive right outside, and hundreds of them in line to get in. I ran out into the living room, called my husband and scooped up the kids. I locked us up in Munchi's room while I talked to Dirk. Dirk called his dad and had him come over to help me asses the situation. While waiting for Papa, I tried to put the boys down for their nap, but they could tell something was up, probably because of the panic on my face. 45 minutes later, I finally get the boys to sleep, and go back out to my kitchen, where there are now 14 more bees (yes, I counted them). And luckily, right then, Papa showed up. Together we killed the bees that were there (some by cutting them in half with a knife! Papa is brave and ruthless). Once they were all dead, no more were coming in, so we figured the hundreds in the hive waiting to storm the house had been called off. As far as we could tell, they were just scouts looking for a new home. We did discover that they had come in through the vent over our oven. I can pretty much guarantee that I am going to be jumping every time I hear anything buzz in my house for the next few months. When Dirk got home, he went on the roof to check out the vent and make sure no other bees were hiding up there and did not find anything. I am keeping my fingers crossed that those bees learned a lesson and there friends won't be coming back to avenge their death (we should have left one alive to send back to the hive with a warning!)

Anyway, here is a blurry picture of the dead ones I could find. The first three I had already thrown in the trash, one went down the garbage disposal, and a couple drowned in the dishwater I had in the sink. Whew, what a day.

And here is some pictures of the boys having fun, oblivious to the craziness in the other room (yes, Munchi has no clothes on..... He is obsessed with dressing and undressing himself right now):

Update

Well, I lost two pounds this week. I must admit, I limited myself too much at the start of the week, and ended up eating too much at the end. My goal this week is slow and steady, trying to make each day similar in food choices and satisfaction, to prevent the feeling of being deprived or starved. Hopefully this week will be even more successful on the scale because of it.

I promise, before picture are coming. I need my husband to be home for more than 5 minutes so he can take the pictures!

Loosing Weight

So, Carebear and I are venturing on our weight loss journey together. I have a much larger goal in mind, but I am really looking forward to inspiring each other to move forward. And I am especially looking forward to our weekend get away when she looses her 30 pounds. I believe in you Carebear!

I will post my before picture soon, and will be tracking my weight loss progress on my tracker above. Keep me in your prayers, people. God knows I am going to need them!

Lazy Blogger

I just realized I only blogged three times this month. I would like to say it is because I have been soooo busy, but I think it really is because there is so little going on right now I have very little to share. Dirk is still looking for a job, and I think we have finally found a good balance with him doing odd jobs to bring in some money, spending time looking for a job, and giving me some space from Munchi. I am very thankful for all the hard work Dirk has done over the last five months to bring in a little extra cash, so we have not had to touch our savings yet. But I think by the end of September we will be there.
Otherwise, I have started watching Munchi's friend, Peanut, twice a week. It is going well, just making me really tired on those days. Of course, I am not a bundle of energy every other day either, so what's the difference?
Like I said, very little going on. Here are some pictures though:

Munchi talking on two phones at once. Future Salesman.

Munchi and Peanut at the OC Fair




Munchi learning to play piano

Memories

It is moments like these that I will cherish forever:

Munchi's Check-Up

Munchi had his 18 month check up today. He weighs 22.5 pounds and is 32 inches. Though he is definitely on the small side, he is not getting any lower on the growth chart scale, so the doctor said she is not concerned about his weight. That is bad news for Munchi because all the games we have been playing to just get some food in him are now going to stop. No more bribing him to eat his food, eating lunch in the living room while he plays, etc. I think it is going to be a tough lesson to learn, since he is not that into food, so he is not that motivated to eat it. I know it is going to be tough for me too, because I still feel like my job as a parent is to keep him well fed and growing. I just need to realize he is old enough now to keep himself well fed, and my job is just to offer him a healthy selection of foods to choose from. And ultimately, he will grow. I think he is going to end up being on the shorter side, which I never thought would happen since Dirk and I are so big, but the short genes on Dirk's side of the family may have been passed on down. Oh well, you can't fight genetics. Otherwise, the doctor thinks he is doing amazing. She can't believe he is putting two words together and doing somersaults. These are things she would usually ask about at the two year appointment so she was glad to hear he is doing them now. And the best news of all, no more shots until he is 5 years old!!

Husband is home

Dirk went on a trip for the last 5 days with a bunch of his buddies to ride their motorcycles, shoot some guns, and fish (basically, to let off some testosterone). What happened to absence makes the heart grow fonder? Somehow, we are still at each others throats. He seriously needs to go back to work!

On the other side is precious Munchi. While his obsession with the word no might drive the average person insane, his ability to learn new things and be so damn cute while doing it more than compensates. Yesterday he learned how to catch a ball and do a somersault. The somersaults are hilarious, because he puts his head to the ground and tries to flip his body over, but most of the time he just ends up on his side. He still stands up triumphant and screams, "Wee!" Seriously adorable. I am going to try to get it and him catching a ball on film soon. Which could be a stunt in it's self, since as soon as he sees a camera, he stands still and starts posing. While he is shy and analytical, I think if his career as a mechanical engineer gets slow, he is going to be one hell of an underwear model!

Gary the cat

I had to have my cat put to sleep on Friday. And this is going to be a quick post, because I am still having a difficult time coping with the reality of it all. Today has been my hardest day dealing with his absence, and so I did not even get out of bed until 11. For some pets are just animals they have around. But Gary was a person to me. He had this amazing personality, and attitude. I have had him for thirteen years. He was my best friend through moving out of state, breaking up with my fiance, meeting my husband, and having my first child. I still have not figured out how to live without him by my side, or on my lap. I am so very sad. My heart is broken.

Lola

Well, I think I basically ended my friendship with Lola this morning. Amazing, since we have been friends for over 13 years now. We had not talked for the last two months, after having fought in May. Back then I had told her how I had put space in our relationship because I was tired of being taken for granted and for our friendship being so one sided. She wanted to know why I did not call her anymore, and I told her that she did not listen to anything I had to say, so I did not have any reason to call. And that whenever she called I was happy to listen to what was going on with her, but I did not feel the need to say anything about my life anymore because I was not being heard or supported. Needless to say, that did not go over well, and I got my ass chewed for it in three different phone calls. After that I told her I needed some space, to think about things and try to let things go. So we have not talked for the last two months. When I did get in contact on Monday, I was pretty casual, just calling to see how she was doing. Well, this did not go over well either. She emailed me saying that she was just "getting over me" when I called. And she did not want to go through the process of working things out unless I could "commit to our friendship long-term". Like Carebear so nicely put it, does she want a promise ring? I guess her and I broke up two months ago, and now I am trying to get back together with her. Anyway, I wrote her back this morning basically telling her that she is asking for more than I can give right now, that I was just looking to get back in touch and see how she was doing, but I could not give any more than that. I predict this will not go over very well.... And I think I just signed the death certificate to our friendship.

These last two months have been pretty nice not having to worry about her friendship and the guilt that often came with it, so I know that it is the right time to move on. But I can't help but be sad. She was my closest friend through many things, and the maid of honor at my wedding. I am sad that our friendship could end so bitterly because I finally told her how I was feeling about a few things. I even fought respectfully, never calling her any names, and putting issues unduly on her. I just talked about how I was feeling and why. I even let it go when she yelled at me so loud that she woke up her kids one night, or that she called me some very mean names, and often hit below the belt. It saddens me that I could be there for her in ways she could not for me, and I could forgive her for things in a way she could not for me.

Today I am saying goodbye to what was a big part of my life for a long time. I am thankful I am able to see past this one experience, and just remember some of the very good times we had together.

Lola, I wish you only the very best.

Project Runway is Back!

Project Runway is seriously one of those shows I anticipate for months. I watch the reruns 5 or 6 times to just try and get my fill until it comes back on again. And it is BACK! While I have to admit that tonights show was a little disappointing, I am just so glad to be seeing some new faces, and some new designs. I have already picked my favorite, which is Korto. While she did not win tonight, she did one hell of a design (in yellow, my favorite color even). But I do have to say this... I am DONE with contestants with catch phrases. I thought I was going to gag every time I heard fierce last season. And if girlicious becomes the same way, I will fly to New York to shoot Blayne myself.

All in all, I can sleep well tonight knowing the weeks to come will be filled with a little bit more fashion.

Summer days

So instead of complaining about the summer heat, which is what I have mostly been doing this summer, I have decided to try and embrace it a little, and let the sweat come.... So Munchi and I spent the morning learning how to water the lawn. Here are some pictures:

Munchi and his diet

So, we have had to put Munchi on a calorie supplement program, at least for the next month until his next doctors appointment. He continues to fall down on the growth chart in weight, while his height remains in the 50th percentile. In theory, this sounds like a great plan... We give him a Pediasure every night before bed and add a flavorless powder to his milk and applesauce during the day. Great! However..... Pediasure would cost us an additional $10 a week, which may not sound like a lot but with Dirk out of a job, finding the additional $50 a month is not easy. But fine, we will do it for the short term, for our sons overall health. But the powder is a whole other issue. He will not eat anything we put it in. So much for tasteless... Or maybe it changes the texture, I do not know. What I do know is our son is so special that he can actually tell something tasteless and odorless has been added to his food. That reminds me of that part in the Princess Bride, where they are fighting over the poisoness wine, where the poison is both odorless and tasteless, but the main guy has built up an immunity to it. My son has done the same, except his is an immunity to eating anything that contains it. Anyway, we are starting today by sprinkling a little bit of this powder in EVERYTHING liquid that he eats. We have to get four tablespoons in him everyday, and we are looking at adding it in by the teaspoon. To add to the bliss, I have been reading the Baby Whisper for Toddlers. Overall, an okay book, but the section on eating makes a big stink about how the parents issues and anxiety about eating can be picked up by the kids, and cause their eating issues. How we should never try to get them to take one more bite when they are already done, or make them sit in their highchair longer than they are willing, etc.... What the hell!! Someone explain to me how my anxiety over his eating is not supposed to show when he was born 3 pounds, and I had to ensure he ate a high calorie diet from day one just to get him out of the hospital. Then, just as his weight is climbing on the growth charts, he moves from formula to milk and solid foods, and his weight begins to dip again. To the point where I now have to give him calorie supplements, and possibly go to a occupational therapist. Sure, in a dream world, meal time would be calm and peaceful, we would offer Munchi food ,enjoy our meal, and not worry about how much he ate, and the fact that he only eats bread and applesauce. I would love to live in this dream world. But instead, I live in one where I am breaking my budget on supplements, and sneaking powders into foods I can only hope Munchi will eat, and somehow have to show no concern or anxiety over food. Not to mention the food issues in my own life I already bring to the table. So much for being the perfect parent. I am already well on the road to screwing my kid up!

Survival

My grandpa came home from the hospital on Saturday evening, having only spent one night there. We were lucky.... He had a minor stroke, and has loss minimal functioning in his right hand. A physical therapist is going to be going to his house a few times to help him with exercises that might help strengthen it over time, as well as work with him on walking properly with his cane and ensuring the house is a safe environment to prevent him from falling. I am so thankful to still have him around, and that his quality of life was not diminished in any way.

Otherwise, we are surviving around here. I hate the heat, and am already begging for winter. Dirk and I have started our weight loss competion, and while he is currently beating me, I have a plan for kicking his ass soon. I have already lost 6 pounds in the last two weeks (Dirk lost 7). As I had suspected, I was denied medical coverage based on my wieght. But to make matters worse, Munchi's and Dirk's rates went up from the original estimate by 3 times, because of previous medical history (Munchi's low birth rate and Dirk's recent surgery), making it more expensive than COBRA. So we are sticking with $1300 a month for now.

An old boss of mine called me about a position at his company, that he could pretty much guarantee me.... And I am considering it, even though Dirk would prefer I didn't. I know he is wanting to start his own business, but we have not had a steady income for three months, and our reserves are getting quite small, especially with medical coverage and mortgage equaling more than 3k a month. While I am not loving the idea of going back to work, I am loving the idea of steady income, and benefits. But I know that means Dirk would stay home with Munchi and be the one watching Munchi's friend Peanut Butter in August. I think that is going to be a hard sell. So, lots of praying is happening in my house right now, as I try to figure out what is ultimately best for us.

My grandpa

My grandpa had a stroke this morning. We are so very blessed, as it was minor. He is currently staying at the hospital for observation, but all is looking well. He has lost some function in his right hand, but it has already made some improvements, so the doctors are optomistic. I do not know if I have fully processed the events of today.... My mom called at 10 to say he had a stroke and he was in the ER. She knew nothing more. I honestly thought I was going to lose my grandpa today. I am still crying just thinking about it. He is 95. It is inevitable I am going to loose him sometime in the next few years. But I just cannot be ready for it. I love him the way only a grandchild can, because even though I am 32, he is still as perfect to me as he was when I was 6. And when he is not here, I am going to miss him horribley, much like I do my grandmother. All I keep thinking now is going to see him even more than I do now, and taking pictures of every moment he spends with Munchi. Munchi LOVES him. He can even say great-grandpa in his own little way. My grandpa has blessed my life in ways he will never know or understand.

Medical Coverage is a Scam

So, now that Dirk does not have a job, we have had to go on COBRA. Since this costs us $1300 a month, we decided to apply for coverage on our own. UGH! The things they ask about your medical history. And they actually expect you to know the dates you went to the doctor and why for the last 7 years. Seven years ago I was living with my parents, getting my Master's degree, and has just moved back from Florida. Hell if I know when and why I saw a doctor back then. They are lucky I can remember back to the birth of Munchi these days.

Anyway, after requesting medical records from our doctors over the last three weeks, we have finally submitted our application. The fun part? They can decline us because of pre-existing conditions, and our weight.... What is someone supposed to do if they can't afford COBRA and can't get other coverage? Suddenly I see why health care is a hot topic this election. Maybe I should actually be paying attention!

I went to the spa all day yesterday and even had an 80 minute massage and facial. My masseuse told me I was one of the more tense people she had seen in a long time. She rubbed the hell out of my shoulders and neck. And I actually was able to sleep more than 4 hours last night. Now, after medical covergae hell, I am already back to my wonderful, tense, insomniac self.

Happy Father's Day!

The things I love about my husband, as a dad:
1. Plays with Munchi like only a daddy can (how do men learn to make car noises like that?)
2. Never hesitates to change a diaper
3. Makes Munchi smile the biggest smile you have ever seen just by entering the room
4. Willingly gets up in the middle of the night to comfortMunchi after one of his nightmares
5. Wants to be the one to carry Munchi into any new situation, not just to comfort him, but because he is so proud to be his daddy

Things I love about my dad:
1. He is smarter than any person I know
2. While it is rare he shows affection or emotion, he still calls me by my childhood nickname that only he uses. And everytime he says it, I can hear the affection.
3. He LOVES being a Grandpa, and talks about his grandkids obsessively
4. He willingly treated me like an adult when I was a teenager, even though I never acted like one
5. He treats me as an equal now
6. People I do not even know treat me with respect, because they know my dad, and hold him in high regard.
7. He taught me how to love God in a logical way, based on fact not just a feeling
8. He taught me to trust my feelings when fact fails

Thank you Dirk and Dad, for being such amazing men in me and Munchi's lives.

Fun on the Web

Every once in a while, randomly surfing the web pays off. Do not ask me what led me here, but I found a website run by a stay at home mom that sells the cutest notepads to help us stay organized : http://www.lobotome.com/index.html

Also, the mom happens to blog, so I have included her blog in my must see list to the left, as she has some great ideas for going green and staying organized. I find moms who have the time and will to make these kind of changes in their lives, and who are creative enough to create their own businesses very inspiring. I can always dream.....

A shout out to Carebear

If all goes according to plan, today is the first day of DDT's pacifier intervention. We wish you all the very best. You are MUCH braver than Dirk and I can get ourselves to be right now!

We are here if you need us for a sanity check.

Top Chef Spoiler

If you have Tivo'd the Top Chef finale and not watched it, do not read any further.

Woohoo!! Go Stephanie! While I would have rather seen Antonia win, I think Stephanie deserves to be the first female Top Chef. And how dare they let me think that Lisa could win! She deserves nothing! I felt for Richard though. He was the strongest contest throughout the entire show, but choked at the end. While I am happy to see a women win this season, I wouldn't have minded seeing Richard take it all.

Well, now Top Chef and Survivor are over for the season. What to do this summer?

Hit the limit

Of all the days Munchi decides not to sleep more than 45 minutes. I actually allowed myself to lay down for a good solid nap today, since I have not slept more than 4 hours at night in the last three weeks, and he gets up only twenty minutes after I fall asleep.... Why does it work that way?
Sleepy in Sleeplessland

Monchhichi

I found the official Monchhichi site:


http://www.monchhichi.eu/


I especially love the pirate Monchhichi.



And did you know that there is a Bebichhichi?

Very busy day

Munchi and I started the day at Target. I think this is a great way to get going in the morning, looking around at things I wish I could afford. I did buy 69 cent plastic cups for the summer and some sand toys for Munchi, as well as food and cleaning supplies. The excitement never ceases. Once Munchi got up from his nap we met Carebear and DDT at the beach. We took a nice healthy walk on the pier, and then took the boys to play in the sand. Munchi kills me sometimes. At first, he would not even get in the sand and climbed right back into his stroller. I finally convinced him to come play with his new sand toys for a while. Once he got going, he would get mad anytime I would redirect him or pick him up. So now sand is the best thing ever! At one point he was climbing over a little wall onto a bike path so I picked him up and put him on the other side. BIG FIT! Face first into the sand because he was mad, and boy, did he learn a first important lesson about sand. It was up his nose, and in his mouth. YUCK! I expect to see a lot of sand in his poop over the next few days :) Next he started running away from me right into oncoming bike traffic, and fell. I thought he was fine, but by the time I got to the car, a huge pavement burn came up on his leg, and I noticed a gash in his toe. Eh, he's fine. And he talked and laughed in his car seat the whoel way home, so he obviously had a great time!

Now we are watching Hell's Kitchen. I am amazed how often someone can fit the F-word into a conversation, and still be on TV. But I cannot get enough of cooking shows, and reality TV in general. I am having serious Survivor withdrawls.

Relaxing Day

Took Munchi to visit Grandma today. He loved it. He got to sit at her desk and play with her computer, print out whatever he typed into Word, and waste as much of the calculator tape as he possibly could. Afterwards we went back to her house to have dinner and play. Everyone told me that having kids is such a blessing. And I could not agree more. But some of the blessings Munchi has brought into my life were totally unexpected. My mom and I had a rough childhood. We never connected, and many hurtful things occured between us. When Munchi was born I vowed that my mom would never be able to babysit. I said it was because I did not want her to hurt him they way she did me. But the truth was, it was going to be my form of punishment for my childhood. Deny her her grandchild. But instead, Munchi helped heal my relationship with my mom. She may not have been the mother she should have been, but she is an amazing grandmother. And while I cannot forget, I can now forgive. Because I love that my son gets the very best of her.

Weekend fun

We had some friends over last night that do not have kids yet. That means, they were actually able to stay past 7 o'clock! I cannot remember the last time we had people over who could hang out after kids bedtime, and play games and chat. It was really nice. But of course, I am exhausted today because I was up past my bedtime. So I took a nap today. While for most , that sounds wonderful, but I am a bad napper. I wake up cranky. I can't shake the tired feeling. And I usually have a headache. Thank goodness for my husband, who is playing with Munchi while I sit and blog.

Speaking of thanking God, we went to church this morning. We went two weeks ago also, which was the first time in a VERY long time. I enjoyed this new church, and it felt good to be worshipping again, but I had the worst time leaving Munchi in their nursery. And today he cried hysterically when we left, even though he had paci and blankie. I am totally the sucker mom I used to make fun of when I volunteered in the nursery in high school. The second he starts crying, I run back in and comfort him. I know, I know. It just makes it worse, because he starts crying again when I leave and just perpetuates the issue, but I can't help myself. He is so shy in new situations and I feel bad not having the time to help him acclimate before I just leave. He did fine once I left though, especially since someone held him the whole time while he sat with paci and blankie. What an adorable little Munchi!

So, here is what I got from church today, which really has nothing to do with the sermon, but it was something I felt while I was there. For the rest of the year I am going to focus on the following three "L's" -
-Love of my life
-Laziness
-Lola

Love of my life -
Dirk (husband) and I have struggled in our marriage since the first day. We are dedicated, and we love each other, so we always make things work, and we always want the best. We just have a hard time connecting the way we should. My friend Carebear made me realize something. She talks of her husband in such an amazing way, where I can tell he is the love of her life, and she feels blessed by him. It is not like everything is always perfect, just that there is such a positiveness about her love for him. All my friends love our husbands, but I think we get caught up in using each other to vent our frustrations, and we build an us and them wall.... But Carebear, she talks like there is a partnership and respect that I really appreciate. And I want that. So I have decided to purposely change the way I think and talk about Dirk. To do these things like he is the love of my life, as it should be. Thank you Carebear for being such an inspiration.

Laziness -
Speaks for itself, I think. My couch has a permenant imprint of my ass on it. And things that should be getting done around our house don't get done. And my weight skyrockets everyday (more on that in a moment).

Lola -
Lola was my best friend. We have known each other for 13 years. We have gone through a lot together. But the last three years have been really rough, and everything came to a head lately. More details on that at another time, but I am going to try and figure out what I want from our relationship, and if there is anything there worth saving.

Well, last blog I promised to focus on the many things in life that I love, so here is my quick list, not necessarily in order:
1. God
2. Dirk
3. Munchi
4. My cat, Gary
5. This amazing 79 degree weather we have been having
6. My brother, sister-in-law, and nieces
7. My parents
8. Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heathbar Crunch ice cream
9. Survivor
10. Scrapbooking.
11. My 95 year old granpa

Gotta go, Dirk is hounding me for the computer.

Need Sleep

Here it goes....

My first blog. Thank you to Carebear for the idea, though my husband may be calling to chew you out. I don't really need another excuse to be on my laptop. Speaking of my laptop, what a beat up piece of crap. It has no enter key, one of the pieces holding up the screen is broken so the wires show through and the screen barely stands up on it's own, the power cord has had to be revamped after the duct tape no longer worked, which means that my computer does not always turn on. And I fully plan to use it until it refuses to continue working. This way I can hang out on my couch (the reason why my ass continues to grow) and blog all night when Munchi (my son) goes to bed. Speaking of Munchi.... He is refusing to go to bed. Almost 2 hours after bed time, and he is still whining in his crib. I think it is all the excitment of playing with DDT. He did all sorts of new things at the zoo, like petting a goat. His absolute favorite animal right now for some reason. I am praying he stays asleep tonight. I am done with being awake at 2am.

Well, I must say, nice first blog. A bunch of bitching.... I swear, next blog will chronicle the things I love about my life (and it will be a much longer list!)

Picture of husband and son: